It’s never on purpose, but every once in a while, a cute succulent or ivy dies in my room and I don’t notice for weeks. Figuring out the cause of their demise is a sad process of elimination. Were they getting a little too much sun? Were they not getting enough water, or did I give them too much?
That’s literally the takeaway from the saying “stop watering your dead plants. ” Fortunately, the original source was definitely not talking about the sad, dead plants I’ve gathered. The comparison goes beyond my small apartment and has us look at our lives as gardens and tell us to stop putting our attention and energy into things that aren’t going to grow.
Sometimes, that ask can feel like a lot. It did to me when I first heard it. But after some practice, it’s taught me how to focus my energy and tell when my relationships or priorities aren’t good for me. But to get there, I had to think about a lot of the things that “stop watering your dead plants” makes you think of.
The phrase “stop watering dead plants” has become popular advice lately. But what exactly does it mean and why does it matter?
What Does “Stop Watering Dead Plants” Mean?
To “water a dead plant” means to spend time, energy, and resources on something or someone that is no longer growing, thriving, or bringing value to your life. So when someone advises you to “stop watering dead plants”, they are telling you to stop putting effort into unhealthy, one-sided relationships or unproductive projects that are going nowhere.
Specifically some examples of “watering dead plants” include
- Staying in a romantic relationship that is no longer mutually fulfilling, loving, or growing
- Putting up with toxic friendships where you give far more than you receive
- Continuing to invest in a business venture or creative project that realistically has little chance of succeeding
- Dwelling on past mistakes, failures, and hurts instead of moving forward
- Beating yourself up over shortcomings instead of practicing self-compassion
- Holding onto resentment toward someone who isn’t willing to reconcile
The core idea is that you should prune the “dead plants” from your life so you can focus your limited time and emotional bandwidth on the people and activities that actually matter,
Why You Should Stop Watering Dead Plants
There are several excellent reasons to stop expending energy on dead plants:
It’s a waste of your precious time and effort.
Every moment you spend watering dead plants is time you could have invested in nurturing your own growth and that of people who make your life better. Pruning the dead plants clears space for you to develop healthier relationships and pursuits.
It drains your emotional resources.
Toxic relationships and unfulfilling activities zap your energy, morale, and sense of self-worth. Ending one-sided friendships or quitting a stagnating business project restores your enthusiasm and emotional resilience.
It holds you back from future opportunities.
You can’t embark on exciting new chapters when you’re still clinging to the past. As long as you water dead plants, you fail to make room for unexpected blessings just around the corner.
You deserve to be surrounded by “live plants.”
Everyone craves connections and activities that make them feel seen, valued, energized, and alive. Don’t settle for less than you deserve. Nurture your soul.
It sets a poor precedent.
The more you water dead plants, the more you signal to others that you will tolerate neglect, imbalance, and toxicity. Value yourself enough to walk away from anything less than mutually fulfilling.
Growth requires change.
Nothing can blossom unless you are willing to let go of what is no longer fruitful. Make space for growth by releasing stagnation.
The bottom line is that watering dead plants will leave you emotionally depleted and crippled by stagnation. Walking away liberates energy, restores hope, and allows room for you to grow.
How to Stop Watering Dead Plants
Ending the cycle of watering dead plants requires brutal honesty, courage, and disciplined focus. Here are some tips:
Take inventory of your “garden.”
Carefully look at each relationship and activity in your life and evaluate its current health and viability. Does it still align with your goals and values? Does it make you feel energized? Is it mutually beneficial? Be willing to acknowledge when something that once flourished has now died.
Have candid conversations.
Don’t keep watering a dead plant just to avoid discomfort. Voice your concerns and set clear expectations about what you need to continue investing in a relationship or project. If it still shows no signs of life, it may be time to walk away.
Set firm boundaries.
Once you’ve decided to stop watering a dead plant, restrict your time and energy investment accordingly. Be clear about what you are no longer willing to give. Save your effort for more promising growth.
Let go with love.
Although you may need to prune a dead plant from your life, you can still honor what it once meant to you. Release it with compassion, well wishes, forgiveness, and gratitude for any past joy it provided.
Fill the space with new life.
Rather than leaving barren ground when you remove a dead plant, actively cultivate new relationships and pursuits to fill the void. Seek out “evergreen” friendships and activities that inspire you.
Learn and grow.
Reflect on why you continued watering dead plants for so long. Were you avoiding conflict? Fearful of change? Romanticizing the past? Identify lingering emotional obstacles so you can develop new skills and self-awareness.
With consistent practice, you will get better at recognizing dead plants early and progress from repeatedly watering them to consistently nourishing your whole thriving garden.
Examples of Dead Plants People Often Water
To understand how to apply the concept of watering dead plants to real life, consider these common examples:
Unhealthy romantic relationship
You’ve grown apart, arguments are frequent, trust is broken, you’re just going through the motions. But you stay, watering a dead plant, either from fear of being alone or clinging to the faded glory of past romance. A healthy relationship is life-giving to both people. When it has turned toxic, walk away to make space for true love.
One-sided friendship
You give endless support but get little in return. Your so-called friend doesn’t make time for you, initiate contact, or offer reciprocation. Yet you keep initiating hangouts and pouring your heart out, watering this dead plant out of lingering hope. Recognize the imbalance and invest in friends who pour into you too.
Going-nowhere business venture
You started a business that showed promise but has since stalled. Rather than reading the writing on the wall, you keep throwing good money after bad,watering this dead plant while racking up debt. Have the courage to walk away, learn from mistakes, and start fresh.
Debilitating self-criticism
The voice inside your head constantly spews criticism and condemnation, tearing down your self-image. Yet you keep listening and believing its toxic message, watering this dead plant that crushes your spirit. Give power to your inner voice of compassion instead.
Lingering grudge
Someone hurt or betrayed you and has shown no remorse. Yet you keep stewing over the offense, watering this dead plant with wasted mental and emotional energy. Forgive, not because they deserve it but because you do. Your peace of mind depends on letting go.
As you prune the dead plants from the garden of your life, you make room for new growth, possibilities, and joy. Walk away with grace, learn the lessons, and confidently seek out relationships and activities that help you flourish.
What does my soil look like?
Like all gardens (or pots) soil is so important—just like foundational aspects of our lives. It’s the attitude from which all our plants or trees grow. If you’re dealing with toxic soil, it might be time to move that soil around and let people or feelings come in that can help you grow a healthy garden.
Let’s take interpersonal relationships, for example. Think about the people in your life who are important to you. What are they rooted in? Are they rooted in joy or love, or are they rooted in jealousy or inauthenticity? Are you watering that soil, with energy and focus? Finding what brings you happiness in your garden is key to determining what to grow—and how to grow it.
When do I know to stop watering?
Sometimes understanding what to let wilt can be hard to do. There are many things in our lives that don’t seem fun but we have to do them (looking at you, taxes). Unfortunately, we have to water those things. One thing that makes a “dead plant” different is that you can choose to interact with it or not, depending on how it helps your growth.
For me, that first meant examining what I needed from my friendships, and being OK with asserting whether or not the relationships were reciprocal. Ultimately, for me that meant letting go of friendships that dragged me down, and instead, redirecting that energy into pursuing new passions.
Take psychologist Ellen Hendriksen suggestions and try identifying whether or not something feels “genuine, or like a transaction.” Whether it’s a friend or a side hustle you’re examining, take stock of the last time that “plant” supported you or brought you joy. Checking in with yourself about whether you feel authentic in the things you pursue is a way to start having that conversation with yourself.
OK, but how do I actually say ‘no’?
Saying “no” isn’t easy—I get it. Despite our goals or ambitions, it’s a lot more effortless to continue going with the status quo than to change courses with a “no.”
It can be hard to leave the comfort of what you know. So, practice what you’ll say out loud the next time you have to water that dead plant. It could be that you know what you need, like a night in instead of a wild night out with that friend who never helps you out. Once you feel comfortable, try it out on a smaller scale. Soon you’ll find yourself feeling more confident in asserting your needs.
We have to remind ourselves, “Is this the best use of my energy?” because it’s easy to keep giving our energy to the same groups of people or things.
Remind yourself why it’s important to prioritize feelings or relationships that are thriving, then verbalize or imagine how you’re going to create those boundaries and refocus your power.
Stop watering those dead plants and let the rest of your garden grow.
Read next: How I Learned Not to Pour From an Empty Cup
Stop Watering Dead Plants!
FAQ
What does the saying “stop watering dead plants” mean?
What is the saying about watering a dead flower?
What happens if you keep watering a dead plant?
What does it mean to water dead flowers?
What does’stop watering your dead plants’ mean?
The metaphor reaches beyond the confines of my small apartment, and asks us to examine our life as a garden—and demands us to stop pouring our focus and energy into things that aren’t going to grow anymore. The metaphor, ‘Stop watering your dead plants,’ reaches beyond the confines of my small apartment, and asks us to examine our life as a garden.
What does it mean to water a dead plant?
When you try talking to a friend who seemingly ignores you for days at a time and gives no attention back, and overall acts like they don’t want to be your friend anymore. Just like giving water to a dead plant, the plant will never grow again or give anything back. Hence the name, watering a dead plant. Get the watering a dead plant mug.
What should you do with a dead plant?
Recognize when you are watering a dead plant. It’s important to deal with a dead plant when you notice it. Sometimes we may get distracted and water a plant that has already passed. It’s okay to feel all the feelings about it.
How does a plant get rid of excess water?
Q13) A plant gets rid of excess water through transpiration. What is the method used by plants to get rid of solid waste products? (a) Shortening of stem (b) Dropping down fruits (c) Shedding of yellow leaves (d) Expansion of roots into the soil Correct Answer: Option (c)
Do we have to water dead plants?
Unfortunately, we have to water those things. What makes a “dead plant” different is that it’s something you can actively choose to engage with—or choose to not engage with—depending on how it helps your growth.
Should I continue tending to dead plants?
It’s time to stop tending to dead plants. This isn’t just about letting go of things that have already ended. It’s also about releasing the hold on things we wish would end, but somehow can’t seem to release.